But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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