i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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