I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
