I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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