I wanna bring you to show and tell
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
