thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
