So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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