Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
