your parents love me but you hate me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
