Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
