I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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