Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
