shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
