i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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