Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
