I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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