I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
