please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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