At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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