soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
