At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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