Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
