Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.