I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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