Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
