yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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