i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
