I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
