Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
