when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
