The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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