and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
