I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
