Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
