Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
