Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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