respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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