Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
