I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is wine microwaveable?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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