This girl is more easily done than said...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
