I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
