U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
