its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
