My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
