I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
