This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
