This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
