I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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