Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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