so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
