yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
COCAINE IS GR8
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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