I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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