Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
