I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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