His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
