Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
