She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
