She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
