I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
