Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
