I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
