and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
