the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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