I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
